A Celebration of the Life of Serina Tanya Devonshire nee Tristram 1974 - 2009 At Bedford Crematorium On Wednesday December 23rd 2009 at 11.30 am Serina “Such a one I do remember Whom to know was to love.” Tennyson Elaine Lever MA 01908 265866 Arnolds Funeral Service 01234 359529 Bedford British Humanist Association 020 7079 3588 1 2. A Celebration of the Life of Serina Devonshire 11.30 am 23.12.09. *The coffin could be in place to await the arrival of the mourners, or they could follow. Entry Music: “All along the Watchtower” by Jimi Hendrix. Good morning, family and friends of Serina. Please sit down. We have gathered here today from our many different walks of life, some of us from quite a distance, to remember with affection and respect the sadly shortened life of a brave young woman, who combined strength of character with a quick mind, a loving heart, a lively sense of humour and considerable creative gifts. Serina died on December 12th at the untimely age of 35, of a tragic accident in her own home during an epileptic seizure. She is mourned by her parents Maria and Martin, her younger sister Vanessa, daughter Danielle and her partner Tony and many other relatives and friends. My name is Elaine Lever and I am a member of the British Humanist Association. It is my privilege to have met with Serina’s family and Tony, to discuss what would be said and done at this simple ceremony in her honour. Everything that takes place today is in accordance with their own wishes. It is composed almost entirely of their personal recollections and special memories, and I hope it will recall her to each one of you as she was in life, in all her different relationships. Humanism is not a religion but a philosophy of life, based on reason and a concern for humanity and the world around us. We believe that we have only the one precious life that we know, and it is our duty to value and celebrate it at every opportunity, especially at a time like this, when we meet to remember a life well-lived and share good memories of someone who was dear to us. Sad as we all are at the loss of so young a person, we know that the value of a human life is not measured by its length. The poet Ben Johnson, contemporary with Shakespeare, knew this when he composed memorial verses for the death of his young son . A lily of a day Is fairer far in May, Although it fall and die that night; 3. It was the plant and flower of light. In small proportions we just beauties see; And in short measures life may perfect be. There will not be any formal hymns or prayers today, but later in our ceremony we will share a few moments of silence, during which you can all remember Serina, each in your own way, as she was to you in life. Those of you who do have religious beliefs might like to use this time to offer a private prayer. *There will be a family tribute composed by Maria, and her sister Vanessa will read a poem she has written. Tony, Serina’s fiancé, will also pay tribute to the woman he loved. We will also be listening to some more of the music that she enjoyed, which had a special meaning for her. However diverse our range of personal beliefs, we are always united in grief at the loss of someone who was special to us, whom we loved for what they truly were, with all their human faults as well as their virtues, some of which we recognise in ourselves. Yet whatever the depth of our sorrow, we know that death cannot take away the reality of a person’s life and what they meant to us, nor diminish their influence over us. To those who knew her best, Serina will live on in their hearts for ever. She was a spring baby, born on February 19th 1974, when her parents Brian and Maria were living in Bedford until they separated. Maria and Martin moved to Roxton by the time she was eight years old. Serina grew up there and went to school first at Roxton, Great Barford, then Sandy Upper School. She was an active girl who worked and played hard, a fascinating character with two completely different sides to her. Part of her was the gentle helper of mankind and vegetarian lover of nature, the creator of wonderful art and poetry, and the other was the ruthless kick-boxer with a blue belt at Kung-fu, who could stand up for herself, and did. Memories from Maria The one shadow on Serina’s life was the epilepsy from which she was a long-term sufferer. She coped well with the limitations it placed on her life and never let it hold her back from whatever she wanted to do. Her feelings about it are summed up in the poem she wrote about its effect. 4. Maria would like to read this poem “Petit Mal.” “It’s a feeling that comes over me; It takes me unaware. It grabs me when I’m vulnerable And loaded down with care. At first it’s just an aura, A sense of deja-vu, And then it just takes over me Till I don’t know what to do. A strange taste comes in my mouth, Memories spin round my head; I seem to go all blank and void; Don’t even know what I just said, Bu I forget it’s even there If I don’t think about it, Because with everything I’m trying to do I could really do without it!” It is tragic irony that the condition that Serina understood and worked around all her life, should have been the direct cause of her death, but perhaps the message that she would want to pass on to everyone is not to wait and put off things for another day, but instead to live for the here and now. Her sister Vanessa is going to read a poem she has written Vanessa reads “Sister.” Though Serina was the archetypal “free spirit”, she gave her love and affection generously to her family and to others she trusted, perhaps too generously to some. It was when she was coming to terms with the failure of her marriage that she met Tony, who was suffering in a similar way. They worked in the same team at Powergen, dealing with high-level complaints and sorting out customers’ accounts. Their work brought them together and they realised they had a lot in common as they were both recovering from broken relationships. An understanding developed which led eventually to a deep and lasting partnership. 5. Poem ‘Dash’ to be read by Elaine Danielle her daughter would like to talk about her mother Before we say farewell to Serina, we will listen to a song that she enjoyed. After this, we shall share a few moments of silence, during which you can all think of her and what she meant to you all, each in your own way, and the words you might use if you could say goodbye to her personally. If you have religious beliefs, you might care to offer a private prayer. And if you listen in the silence, you might hear her voice or her laugh. Music for reflection: “Sweet Child of Mine” by Guns ‘n Roses. Silence Please stand for the Committal. It is now time to say farewell to Serina’s earthly remains, which are a separate thing from the essence of what she was, for it is only her body that we are saying goodbye to. Serina does not cease to exist just because she has died. We all have an afterlife, which is what we leave behind in other people, just as the red of the sunset lingers on the mountain-tops long after the valleys below are in darkness. Serina is where she always has been, safe in the hearts and minds of those she loved, for love is the one thing that never dies. What would Serina want you to do now? There is a choice. You can shed tears that she has gone Or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray she will come back, Or you can open them and see all she has left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, Or it can be full of the love and friendship you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her, and only that she has gone, Or cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, Or you can do what she would want, Smile, open your eyes, and let the love and friendship go on. Serina, you have good reason to be proud of yourself. Throughout your life you fulfilled supremely well all the roles expected of a woman. In face and form, heart and mind, you were altogether lovely. Rest in peace now, free of pain and grief for ever. Closure of the curtains. What we have done in our lives is not lost to all eternity, but ripens in its time and bears fruit at its hour. Serina’s love of dolphins and the great whales did not prevent her from eating the other inhabitants of the sea, and it was her wish that her ashes should eventually join them. This will take place at a private occasion later. The family have asked that if you would care to make a donation in lieu of flowers, it will go to ‘Save the Children’, a charity that she supported. If you wish to continue sharing memories of Serina, you will be welcome afterwards at The Fox and Hounds, Goldington Road, Bedford. Serina loved life and had a very personal sense of humour, so for her epitaph we can borrow the words which Joyce Grenfell, another brave and funny woman, wrote for her own funeral. “If I should go before the rest of you, Break not a flower, nor inscribe a stone, Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice, But be the usual selves that I have known. Weep if you must; parting is hell, But life goes on, so sing as well.” We will now act upon this good advice and close Serina’s ceremony with a little help from Alice Cooper. Closing Music: “Poison” by Alice Cooper